Don't cha wish your family was hot like mine?Don't cha wish your family was a freak like mine?

bi·zarre /bɪˈzɑr
–adjective-markedly unusual in appearance, style, or general character and often involving incongruous or unexpected elements; outrageously or whimsically strange; odd; bizarre behavior.
Right next to that definition in the dictionary they should post a picture of my batty barmy old family. We are very small and tightly knit -not that our size takes away from the anomalous nature we crave- so the picture would surely fit. Your eyes would drift first to my dad because for some odd reason he always tries so hard to smile in pictures the strangest looks are conceived. Your eyes may wander next to my mom. She is very cute and fat. Her mouth will most likely be opened because she likes to make car noises when she's nervous, and there will be some intricate but seemingly purposeless entwined yarn creation spinning from the cold shiny blue knitting needles that never leave her hands or her heart. My Aunt Faye will be rocking in her chair with a a bowl of beans that she is snapping in her lap.Her mouth will be blury because it never stops moving. Her husband J.D. will be standing next to her grinning ear to ear with his toothless smile holding up his biggest crab catch of the summer. You won't be able to see any of this however because he thinks that the small squirrel humping the bush behind all of us is the camera.My itty bitty memaw , popop and grandma will all behuddled together trying to figure out what is going on. Memaw will me scowling at grandma because once again grandma died her hair fire engine red and this is just not how classy "chichi" southern women should be ( I think that she is secretly very envious.) Me and my brothers will be standing by our my auntie sandra. Dan will be setting the back of memaws hair on fire because due to the mass of hairspray needed to keep up her look, we both know that it won't take long for his alfa romeo watch to catch enough virginia summer sunshine to create a comfortably warm glow, which we are sure will add to the lighting of the picture. Matt and Sandra will be holding pictures of cats up that they printed from the internet and my uncle P will be standing adjacent to them pulling at his crotch with the most unpleasant look on his face because his friend Jack Daniel is snuggling in an irksome position with his best friend Johnson. When the picture has been taken he will groan loudly as he pulls out the largest bottle you have every seen from his marry poppins boxers. Aunt Faye will through her beans at him. J.d. will figure out he was standing the wrong way. Mom will cry "VROOOM" dad will steal pauls bottle gulping maniacly until Paul catches him, memaws hair will catch fire and grandma will need to call a real fire truck. Matt and Sandra will continue dicussing there remarkable talent as cat whisperers and all will be perfect.